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One more year...   
08:51am 26/04/2006
mood: thirsty
yeah. im waiting for 23 to feel better than 22. its been 1.2 days and already bored with it. better make a list like i do when i post....every 6 months.

-got promoted to Applications Manager
-should be making 91,000
-making much less than that
-much much less
-have to take one more quarter of school after this one
-so i graduate in September
-got glasses, the blind now see
-got 2 tattoos on the backs of my arms. did you guys know that already? probably.
-getting 3 more come the 3rd
-still baking pie
-taking tango lessons
-i have a girlfriend
-hired a girl at work that i fucking hate and i share an office with her
-shes singing off key to herself as i type this
-also as i type this im capturing anal sex clips on my other monitor for work
-and its gross
-im going to Florida in May/June
-i dont think its funny when dudes get hit in the nuts
-not to say its happenend to me lately, but everyone loves it and thinks its great and i dont get it
-my favorite part of the day is staring at the wall before i go to sleep
-i keep having dreams that im thirsy. sooo thirsty
-my astrology friends think im bizarre for a Taurus
-what does that mean?

some songs im really digging right this second but will change in a few more seconds....

- lets make this moment a crime - the format
- like a friend - pulp
- I Believe In Symmetry - bright eyes
- Soon Enough - the constantines
- twilight - elliott smith
- i'm shipping up to boston - dropkick murphy's
- let me know - yeah yeah yeahs
- just one look - the hollies
     Read 5 - Post
trouble in paradise   
09:52am 14/12/2005
mood: offended
after 2 texas cremes
raspberry chiffon
concord grape
banana split
orange freeze
oatmeal chocolate
2 batches of southern moon pies
shoo fly pie

the pie club seems to be getting a bit cocky and ungrateful. not everyone mind you but i sense that its expected now to just have pie on saturdays and who cares what it takes to get that done. who cares if alex and austin spend the money make the pie host the event and dirty every dish without a thank you. we get pie so what else matters?

please pie club, a little respect.
     Read 3 - Post
while were talking about good shit...   
01:12pm 18/11/2005
mood: hungry
I am going to tell you the new cool thing in my life.

My dear friends who I see on a regular basis and I formed pie club.

Yes pie club.

Pie Club.

basically its a club, (are you following so far? ok good. heres where it gets crazy....)

...with pie.

Chapter 1 - Inception

1:1 – Alex’s Guilt
Legend has it that there was once a very broke ass kid named Alex. He lived with a dear friend Austin. Austin was a great guy and any special occasion that came where gift giving was occurring he was sure to raise the bar of gift giving for their entire crew of friends. When Austin’s birthday came around Alex was too poor to make any gifts happen. After feeling intense guilt for the lack of friendship reciprocation Alex decided to make Austin a pie. Alex waited with anticipation for the next check to come so he could buy ingredients. By the time that day arrived another dear friend of Alex's was also celebrating an anniversary of birth. Still poor, Alex decided to kill two guilt birds with one stone and make the pie for both of them.

1:2 - Creation
A family perfected and exclusive recipie was obtained by Alex after much sly talking of the parents. Alex had a small amout of knowledge for cooking and wihtin that knowledge there was a tiny focus on desserts. This pie however was like none he’d made before. This was difficult with terms he didn't understand. Also, there was expectation for this pie. After several hours of strain the pie was complete and ready to be eaten.

1:3 – The Gathering aka Alpha Pie
Alex, Nick and Garrison all indulged in the pie which luckily was of the utmost quality and good-flavorness. Later that evening, Evan arrived. He was a regular fixture at family gatherings, holidays, mornings before school and most afternoons. He also took part in the pie. Now 4 of the 6 pieces had been eaten and Austin was still unaware that the pie had even been made. Nearing bedtime Alex was driven home and presented the remaining pie to Austin and Jamie, Austin’s girlfriend. The pie was very appreciated and tasty and word began circling that another pie should be made with the remaining ingredients. Of course this pie was no ordinary every day pie. A reason for another would be required.

1:4 – Reason aka Beta Pie
Alex had met a lovely young lady named Tasha, who worked at a bakery. Of course Alex would have loved to impress her with baking skills but this would be a daunting task. On the recommendation of those who had taken part in the first pie Alex decided to make a second to share with Tasha. Again the procedure was followed and the pie was made and ready.

1:5 – A Pie Divided
That Friday evening at Alex’s apartment, Alex met up with Garrison, Evan, and Nick. The group was intending to attend ‘First Friday’, an art gallery event. Wine was purchased and while the group waited for Tasha, spirits were high. The weekend had arrived and everyone had the faint memory of pie on the brain. Tasha arrived and the pie was unveiled. At this time a friend of Alex’s, Neil, arrived after a great journey from the northlands of Longmont. This gathering now included Alex, Austin, Jamie, Garrison, Nick, Evan, Tasha, and Neil. The pie was cut into 8 pieces and everyone enjoyed. The gallery was attended and with the wine motivating a pipe dream was imagined. A dream where pie was a cornerstone of cuisine. Garrison and Nick were on a diet that allowed one day per week for eating whatever they chose. Thus Pie Club was named and began to take shape, if only in the imaginations of these hopeful pie enthusiasts.

1:6 – Actualization
During the following week Alex kept the thoughts of pie in his head. After seeing how the pie brought worlds together he decided that having Pie Club become a reality was possible and needed in the lives of these lucky eight. At work on Thursday Alex found the new pie that was to be made, knowing full well that he was taking the next step in a journey. One whose end was uncertain in specifics, only that it would be a step in making the world a better place.
As im sure you all know   
01:05pm 18/11/2005
mood: anxious
new apartment. !fuck yeah!
Privacy. !fuck yeah!
decorating. !fuck yeah!
aus is still close. !fuck yeah!
got a raise. !fuck yeah!
2000 songs organized. !fuck yeah!
shaved my head. !fuck yeah!
i like a girl. !!fuck yeah!!
she donest hate me. !!!fuck yeah!!!

of course as per usual there is bad shit going too, school etc but lets just leave this post with a smile and bask in the good.

i know i know. i scare myself sometimes too.
     Read 1 - Post
06:28pm 07/09/2005
mood: nervous
oh dear. i guess its livejournal time again...

well i guess the big news is that i got a real job. sort of... i work at 5280 mobile/brickhouse mobile. content for cell phones in a nutshell. what that means is wallpapers, ringtones, and yes porn. lots of it. bleh. if wasnt too into sex before, theres nothing like looking at skanky chicks with bad tattoos all day just to solidify it.

how about that hurricane eh? god.... thank you for giving me austin or else i would be so utterly alone in this world of bad opinions.
heh just kidding everyone. i dont pray to god.

my computer blew up and ive been waiting to see if i can get a new one or if i have to make my demo reel out of pinecones and maccarroni.

ive been doing sort of a little more ok about not thinking about the past. kinda. at least as far as alex land goes i should say.

i bought a suit. 450 bucks i think it came to. thank you austin for the credit card. anyway kevin is getting MARRIED and aus and i are in the wedding. we wanted to go all out and we sure as hell did. we look like sexy ass bitches. i am a firm believer that the suits give austin and i magical powers and i cant wait to wear it every day.

i feel pretty friend like with jamie these days which makes me happy.

school makes my head want to explode.

i cant figure out the girls in my life. but whats new?

cant think about life anymore... i start to get short of breath. i guess ill get back to ignoring class. oh wait, i was doing that the whole time.
     Read 1 - Post
04:01pm 25/07/2005
mood: beh
whats new? hmmm.

worked a lot over my break.
didnt go to san diego.
worked more.
missed a second chance at san diego.
living off crumbs and cigarettes.
aus fixed up the apt.
wussed out in front of angela at target.
saw kati.
was good.
now is bad.
got 3 more days of being sad before i get killed by jamie.
rewatching sopranos.
work harder than most at my job.
got a smaller raise than all of them.
drew a new tattoo.
still in fafsa hell.
might get kicked out of school cause of it.
cut off all of my hair. finally.
i have a big forehead.
bought a spindle of those cute little mini cd-rs.
new pants.
steve peirce. god no.
had a fun time in evergreen.
till we had to pull nick from his overturned car.
been ddr-ing more.
displeased overall.
as usual and thats why i update livejournal.
     Read 2 - Post
02:21pm 08/06/2005
mood: groggy
ive been feeling pretty good lately. not as great as i have in the past but shit is maybe looking up a bit. so nowes update in list form since i always wait too long.

-bought a brown shirt. it looks good and i didnt think it would

-jason kicked my finger and fucked it up bad. it hurts.

-4 mins of flash animation due by monday. oh my god.

-started chewing gum again on a limited basis. well see how it goes.

-been on a date or two. has been fun.

-hair is out of control.

-aus' sis is out tomorrow until monday. should be cool.

-donkey is the funniest word ever.

-aus is leaving me for greener pastures. good for him. bad for me at video one.

-noodles died. capone remains.

-reorganized 1700 songs or so to make i tunes work right. almost died.

thats all i can think of right now.
     Read 2 - Post
02:19pm 08/06/2005
  i wish i lived in sin city.  
02:29am 03/06/2005
  maybe its not as bad as all that.  
     Read 1 - Post
now what?   
03:05pm 16/05/2005
mood: hopeful
it appears that kati and i are pretty much at the end of the line of our friendship. i never thought that day would come. ive gottta do something for myself here or im gonna go insane. not sure what, but one of the big things always on my mind, keeping me from being happy again has been that girl.

anyway kati, its been a fabulous, horrible, unforgetable, and life changing 5 years since i first laid eyes on you. thanks for shaping who i am, teaching me about love and loss, responsibility, and coping. love you to death.


ps any of my livejournal buddies want to throw in thier 2 cents on what i should do?
     Read 2 - Post
is this my life?   
01:32am 14/05/2005
mood: lost
back to normal. sorry for the sudden misplaced optimism.

i told austin today that i felt like one of those guys who takes a point blank shot in the stomach with a cannon. except i didnt expect it to come. i guess i get whats coming to me.
i havent had sleep without a horrid nightmare in so long. i hate waking up to face the day and sighing. gotta get out of this rut.
i also told austin that i think that i have formed some psychological associations with love,sex,relationships etc that are going to keep popping up as i go on. heres what i think, and this is but 1 microscopic piece of the puzzle;
everyone who is a part of the current drama, i love you and care about you very much. i want the best for you all, despite how i feel personally about it. theres much more but ill shut up sine my foot is probaby in my mouth already.

my tummy hurts, im unhappy, but what can i do?
bite my tounge and suck it up.
09:20pm 27/04/2005
mood: old
had my 22nd. i was scared since my 21st was the worst that ive ever had. i felt sick all day and had to work and 8 hour shift. once i got home at 8 the fun began and it didnt end till about 6 am or so. didnt get drunk which was good cause that may have spoiled my night, but eveyone else did. all my longmont friends came down and it was a huge fun event and the first party at our apartment. there wasnt even any drama. rock. i got lots of cool shit including a girly urban shirt thats fits perfect, a girly rancidn hoodie, a cd of alexspecific songs and a leather fucking coat. im wearing it now inside cause its soo cool. i like to move and hear it squeak. it rocks. anyway it was very good. thank you everyone who came and thank you everyone who made it happen. its good to know that there are people who care about you enough to do this kind of thing. if you couldnt come, thanks for calling. you rock also.

a happy livejournal? what the fuck is this? all my bills are paid most of my homework is caught up, what is happening? perhaps the calm before the storm but im gonna enjoy it while i can.
     Read 1 - Post
07:04am 14/04/2005
mood: indecisive
my god. you know some shit is going down when alex posts on livejournal. as with every other entry, ive been in a shitty enough mood that i felt i had to type something out to reflect or cool down. i guess i dont even know why im posting. everyone who would read this would hear it from me directly or they were directly involved. just gotta do something. i grabbed an old choose your own adventure book that i used to love as a kid and that has for some reason been a big time stress relief for me over the years. i wish life could be that simple sometimes. if you want this to happen, turn to page 56, if you dont want it to, turn to page 93. im never going to get love/romance/dating/girls figured out. thats fine. to assume that i could would be overzealous. the shit ass thing is the ideas i have in my head are so fucked and backwards from the rest of the universe, that im not even capable of functioning in any of those categories. dont know what to do. 7:12 am. havent slept. no one to call and my phone is shut off anyway so its not like it would matter. my book is done, dont feel too much better at all. now what? ive already walked all around. smoked a shitload. talked my situation over. what do i do? i can lay in bed and think of it restlessly. i can watch a movie and pretend all is peachy keen, knowing full well that its not gonna work. or i can think about other shit that sucks and then this will seem like a little thing. ive gotta do my taxes today and ive not even started so ive gotta get some sleep before i drive to longmont with failing brakes, make it back into town before the band shows up to crash, decide on coffee, and somehow get all this shit done without the use of a phone. well, that worked just great. now im thinking of all that plus all the other shit. if anyone has sacrificed enough time to bear with all this emo shit, sorry. gotta try to sleep now.

p.s. im actually not the least bit sorry about anything. its my fucking journal and i put what i want. if its too hard to bear then dont read it you fucks. you are more whiney than i am.

p.p.s. i doubt anyone who reads this will think that way so to those who dont im sorry for that last comment.

p.p.p.s. not that sorry.
     Read 3 - Post
what have i been doing?   
09:53pm 03/04/2005
  my life has gotten more sophisticated after moving to denver and getting some more culture. take this conversation with my friends neil for example.

VaporXero003: hi
Zombolis: hey
VaporXero003: i must share with you the hilariously British title of this weeks episode of Mystery! on PBS
VaporXero003: which is entitled "Malice Aforethought"
Zombolis: hahah
Zombolis: the killer is indeed someone in this very room
Zombolis: "HOGWASH!"
VaporXero003: lol
Zombolis: "POPPYCOCK!"
VaporXero003: A two-part tale of adultery, gossip and murder centering on a philandering 1920s English country physician
VaporXero003: lol
VaporXero003: rubbish, i say!
Zombolis: my diagnosis is that you are truly mad.
Zombolis: however my opinion can hardly be taken seriously by the viewer for on my head lies a chicken
Zombolis: and around my ankles lie my trousers
VaporXero003: i respect your perception, Dr. Hicks, but I must say I respectfully disagree with it
VaporXero003: for it is you who are mad
Zombolis: proposterous, how dare you insult me, nay, the country, NAY, THE QUEEN this way?!
VaporXero003: need I remind you of your unabashedly distasteful behaviour at last season's fox hunting excusion at Lord Thistlewaite's manor?
VaporXero003: arriving with your hired kitchen maid upon your arm! how disgraceful!
VaporXero003: or the instance in which you sullied your noble ancestry by partaking of a pint at the Fox and Hounds Pub, among the common country folk!
Zombolis: ive told you time and time again that i was merely tending to her fragile heart after you so popmusly fired your musket into the air causing her beau sir winston bundlefort to dismount "abruply" from his steed and into the mud.
Zombolis: a nobleman must reach out to the common filth from time to time, if for no other reason that he may at some later poin, be known to that mans wife.
VaporXero003: *hrumph, hrumph* there are more subtle ways of satifying one's manhood and noble right, Dr. Hicks.
Zombolis: this is why ive chosen the profession on physician. ive access to many a variety of ethers, tonics, and the like.
VaporXero003: and as you are a doctor, I need not tell you of all the vile diseases incubated by those below those, particularly the Irish
VaporXero003: i should expect more intelligence on your part, dear sir!
Zombolis: i do at all times carry in my medical satchel a lambskin phalus-gaurd.
VaporXero003: speaking of which, have you heard news of the exciting new material being developed by your good friend Theodore Briarton at Oxford? Latex, I believe he's calling it
VaporXero003: revolutionary, i hear
VaporXero003: it hold great potetial in quashing the Irish masses and their disgusting overpopulation
VaporXero003: that and using their babies as food for the British aristocracy, ot course
VaporXero003: *hrumph, hrumph*
Zombolis: bosh! american inventions only serve to further inhumanity. ive lost all faith in anyone who can so carelessly disopse of such unfathomalbe amounts of tea!
Zombolis: http://www.deviantart.com/view/16837709/
Zombolis: for instace, this rubbish
VaporXero003: filthy Americans and their "punk rock and roll"
Zombolis: no engish gallery would have such vinegar presented.
Zombolis: ive been meaning to make mention of a simply dreadful advertis-ment ive only just heard. i believe the product was for glassworks of some sort by an irish whiskey-gullet.
Zombolis: perhaps he was scottish
Zombolis: even more deplorable
VaporXero003: filthy Scots
Zombolis: they put a tarnish on the red haired.
Zombolis: most unfortunate for our lovely miss winslet.
VaporXero003: were you aware that George Eustace Frumplebottom III has Scottish blood on his mother's side? a rather shameful situation, i do say
VaporXero003: rather well hidden, though - i must applaud him for the impressive measures taken to hide the fact
VaporXero003: a smart man, is Frumplebottom
Zombolis: why, i shared afternoon tea with the oaf not a fortnite ago. i feel as though i should bathe. and mind you i do this only once per week in order to preserve the natural oils my body produces.
Zombolis: knowing this fact we shall see if he is wise enough to carry with him his fencing rapier to our next tea visit.
Zombolis: and we shall see if his parray is that of a noble englishman, or the brutish and uncalculated scotts method
VaporXero003: Tisk, tisk, i shouldn't be to awfully hard on him, dear Mr. Hicks. After all, he was kind enough to invite me to take part in the masscre of his mother's clan, not far outside Glasgow
VaporXero003: speldid good fun!
VaporXero003: simply splendid!
VaporXero003: i myself slaughtered 11 Scottish whelps!
Zombolis: well ive not prepared myself for such forgiveness. afterall it is this weakness that led to so many pig nation emancipating themselves from civility.
Zombolis: though it does sound as though a good time was had by alll.
Zombolis: i simply must renew my pillaging liscence
VaporXero003: they've raised the licensing fee for pillaging. It's up to 100 pounds 50 pence.
VaporXero003: worth every shilling
VaporXero003: Although I can't say I agree with charging the Bourgeoise for pillaging - it is an English Right, after all
Zombolis: i must say i applaud this tax. for the commonor to be able to loft a "quid" at the gateman and simply proceed with a sport that should only be delagated to the truly wealty and therefore superior denizens..... unspeakable.
Zombolis: only this eve past i saw friar Gindlerucktor attemting to partake.
VaporXero003: Point well taken, Dr. Hicks. We must keep the commoners priced out of such lofty affairs.
VaporXero003: Not the good Friar!
VaporXero003: I say
VaporXero003: *hrumph, hrumph*
Zombolis: grumble groop
VaporXero003: I admire his work, particularly his tithings to the Anglican Church, but he must know his place!
VaporXero003: I must depart!
Zombolis: his hounds would not know the joy of such rare meats as the tender islanders
Zombolis: very well, i bid you fair journey
VaporXero003: Wenfred has the carriage readied, and I must journey to King Soopers to acquire sustenance. Imagine silly Edward Sooper, daring to proclaim himself a king!
Zombolis: such injustices that go noticed every day in this foul year of our lord. do give winefred my utmost regards.
VaporXero003: I shall so, Dr. Hicks, and I'm sure he will much appreciate you kindness in taking notice of him, a common servant.
Zombolis: do lash him if he does not acknowlegde me properly
VaporXero003: You know you can depend on me to maintain such discpline, of course. In the meantime, perhaps we well speak later this evening on the "IM".
Zombolis: indeed. farewell
VaporXero003: Farethewell, kind sir.
VaporXero003: i must say, aren't we the clever ones!
VaporXero003: I shall save this conversation on my com-pu-ter.
Zombolis: ill have my servant jamie record it on parchment
VaporXero003: jolly good idea, i can't say I much like these new computing devices
Zombolis: they are a means to an end my good fellow. i believe tehy may be used to unite the entire world under the brittish empire
     Read 2 - Post
08:16pm 23/02/2005
  first, a survey. not for you for me cause i like them. if you dont, skip it and proceed to my actual entry.

here we go...

15 Years Ago, I:

1. had a rat tail.
2. shared a room with my brother.
3. had blonde hair
4. liked x men
5. watched either dirty dancing or little mermaid every day at the babysitters.

10 Years Ago, I:

1. was a good student
2. played with legos and listened to the top 40 countdown
3. had my own room with a bunk bed
4. had a lisp like thing.
5. really liked x men

5 Years Ago, I:

1. got my dart and loved to drive
2. started really liking this thing called punk rock
3. liked spawn
4. dyed my hair for the first time. red.
5. got beat up for "being gay"

3 Years Ago, I:

1. was a trouble maker
2. started drinking
3. began feeling sick every day
4. coulndt get a chick
5. really liked spawn

2 Years Ago, I:

1. started art school
2. met my best friends
3. started dating kati. wait that was 3 years ago.
4. went to lots and lots of shows
5. got my lip pierced and a tattoo. wait, all this was 3 years ago. i dont know what happened this year.

1 Year Ago, I:

1. broke up with kati
2. went emo
3. couldnt pay bills
4. hated everything including x men and spawn
5. gave up

This Year, I:

1. still feel sick
2. cant pay bills
3. love x men and spawn
4. have more tatts and rings
5. met jamie

Yesterday, I:

1. procrastinated homework
2. finished cover art for my bros band
3. ate fast food. again.
4. brooded
5. started freaking out.

Today, I:

1. sat in class bored
2. ate lunch with garrison and discussed life as usual
3. smoked too much
4. walked the denver streets for an hour or two
5. went pee pee

Tomorrow, I:

1. will sleep in late
2. maybe clean the apartment
3. maybe do homework
4. maybe do my taxes
5. probably only do one of these. guess which one.

5 Snacks I Enjoy:

1. pocky
2. cigarettes
3. cheetos
4. coke
5. crack

5 Games I Like:

1. making ohhh face at people
2. perfect dark
3. pushing austin and jamies buttons to the brink
4. sim city 4
5. avoiding work

5 Things I'd Buy With $1500:

1. parts for my computer
2. parts for my dart
3. crack to sell for 3000
4. fools gold plated teeth
5. midol. lots of midol

5 Bad Habits I Have:

1. being pessimistic
2. filling out surveys in class
3. cursing
4. not eating
5. saying the wrong thing at the wrong time

5 Interests at the moment:

1. sopranos
2. boobies
3. illustrator
4. shows
5. home movies

5 things that Im doing at the moment:

1. fondly admiring the back of aus' head
2. pretending to work
3. thinking about food
4. looking cool for all the ladies. wait what ladies?
5. trying not to touch my eye

5 or more people/persons that I like to be around with: in no particular order

1. aus
2. jamie
3. garrison
4. kati
5. ana
6. kev
7. zach

5 TV Shows I Like:

1. home movies
2. sopranos
3. simpsons
4. dawson
5. that 70's show

5 Places I've Lived:

1. longmont CO
2. lake havasu AZ
3. zach's basement
4. denver CO
5. in sin

My Top 5 Biggest Worries at the Moment:

1. dying of starvation
2. not failing
3. fafsa
4. making others happy
5. peeing my pants

My Top 5 Biggest Joys at the Moment:

1. boobies
2. the apartment
3. music
4. dancing in front of the mirror
5. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

ok, thats done. ill go on now. ive fallen behind. so far behind. if i even read all of your journlas ive missed id be lost so im gonna start fresh. and ill keep up a little bit more. so im stressed. aus and i did the cover art for the susceptibles cd. IN STORES THIS MARCH!! that was a lot of trouble but i learned illustrator and did one of the best projects ive ever done. im happy with myself for that. in general im not that happy. isnt that the standard though? i mean why would i use livejournal if i felt good about stuff? school is nuts. ive got way too much to do and not enough time to do it. so how do i solve this? dick around on the web all day. i got a job at video one. its an indie movie rental place for those of you who are uncultured. aus and i both work there opposite schedules. its ok. its money but its also time i wish i had to spend on school.
i feel like since ive moved to denver ive lost a lot of people. no one wants to drive that far to hang out and worse since were not hanging out, were not even talking. i may as well have moved to mars. its ok i suppose cause i have so much shit going that i dont have much time to spend on recreation but still its good to know that you're loved. i talk to aus and jamie and every now and again garrison but everyone else has sort of faded off. this happened before when i was with kati but i had enough good shit going that it wasnt that much of a distraction. ah fuck. dont wanna talk about it anymore. im hungry. sorry ive not been there to leave mean posts on all your journals. ill be back to my asshole self soon enough i hope.
     Read 2 - Post
01:24pm 02/02/2005
mood: beh
i dont have internet yet but i figured the old journal needed a short update.

- im alive
- i moved to denver with aus
- i love my apartment
- we watched a drug bust outside the window the other night
- i always feel like barfing
- ive been sick for the 4th week in a row
- school would be cool if i didnt have to do anyhting else
- except 3d
- i got a job at video one
- with aus
- dont think he likes it
- we cant pay bills
- i owe aus my firstborn
- i realized i fucking love the sopranos
- they SHOT christopher!
- we dont have enough dishes
- the susceptibles are getting better
- i dont talk to anyone anymore
- i wish i was as good as austin
- im worried about that guy
- my brain hurts
- im not as sad as ive been but im a lot more "beh"
- cds are expensive
- my razor is dull
- so i have a beard
- sort of

thats all for now. not gonna go into the emo shit cause its all my journal seems to be.
     Read 2 - Post
01:32pm 05/12/2004
mood: overwhelmed
ill post something real as soon as i get moved in.
till then, enjoy my survey on shit that you dont care about.

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by? probably the queers. i have 7 cds, 3 tapes, 1 10 inch, 3 7 inches, countless comps and 3 video tapes.

2. What was the last song you listened to (voluntarily)? lover i dont have to love - bright eyes

3. What's in your CD player right now? subincision - jinjo

4. What song would you say sums you up? no fun at all - the gamits

5.What's your favorite local band? used to be the fairlanes till they broke up, currently its gamits/ love me destroyer/laymen terms/cost of living/shogun/susceptibles/stoli and the beers

6. What was the last show you attended? groovie ghoulies, drag the river, stoli and the beers at the climax lounge

7.What was the greatest show you've ever been to? rancid/afi/distillers in 2001, social d in 2002, leftover crack in 2001, queers/independents/briefs in 2002, fairlanes/gamits/qualm in 2000, gamits/cooter/catch 22/mustard plug/mu330/blue meanies/teen idols in 2000, mirah in 2004. sooo many more. cant think.

8. What's the shittiest band you've ever seen in concert? anti flag, stunt doubles, clusterfux, lost city angels

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of? the casualties. were so punk rock cause one of us was in suburbia.

10. What's the most musically involved you have been? been in 3 bands. tried to learn bass right handed, once in a blue moon i fill in at practice for the susceptibles and i help book shows whenever i can.

11. What show are you looking forward to? the queers if they ever come this way, dick dale, and death cab for cutie. patiently awaiting the murder city devils return.

12.What is your favorite band t-shirt? laymen terms - jet black and crushed

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day? timmy

14. What musician would you like to hump for a day? can i say timmy? uh i guess id say one of the eyeliners, or leslie from murder city.... smokin.

15. Metal question-jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes? i guess im not too metal. ill take dickies and pink shit thnak you.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy? sharon

17. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie? commodores

18. Blackjack or solo Michael Bolton? or a bullet. bullet.

19. Does Primus suck? people may not like them but anyone who thinks they suck is a fucking retard. the best bassist in the world. fuck me, they rule.

20. Name 4 flawless albums:
the gamits - endorsed by you
death cab for cutie - transatlanticisim
murder city devils - in name and blood
rancid - 2000

21. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek? did you know that by putting out a 30 question survey about music, that youre never gonna know how deep my music geekyness runs?

22. What was the greatest decade for music? mid to late 60s, late late 70s and early 80's all the 90's and 00's and current is ok too.

23.How many music related videos/DVDs do you own? 5 or 6

24. Do you like Journey? steve perry is the man. midnight train mothafuckaz!

25. Don't try to pretend you don't. im proud of it.

26. What is your favorite movie soundtrack? garden state, rules of attraction, royal tenembaums, and south park. oh and top gun.

27. What was your last musical "phase" before you wisened up? ill never wisen up. i like it all and ive never been country so im good.

28. What bands do you love that are a guilty pleasure? blink 182, bijork, tom petty, jimmy eat world, saves the day, chingy, radiohead, and madonna. probably a lot more too.

29. What album have you purchased the most copies of in your lifetime? the fairlanes - welcome to nowhere 4x ,the fairlanes - songs for cruising 3x, propagandhi - how to clean everything 3x, rancid- lets go 3x. etc etc.
30. Who is your favorite musician and why? tim armstrong, billie joe armstrong, ben gibbard, dick dale, mirah etc etc etc.
good lyrics hit my heart like a train, add that with catchy beats and solid song composition and a song can change my mood instantly or give me a different outlook on a situation. god i love music. perhaps more than anything else in the entire world. its always been there for me every second of my life.

i would have slit my wrist if it wasnt for rock n roll
when i got the music i got a place to go
when the music hits my room, it carries me away and i know that things will be ok
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for every good thing theres at least 3 bad ones.   
09:01pm 23/11/2004
mood: shit
so austin and i got approved for the apartment. kick ass stress relief right? wrong. ive got no money at all. none. bills are stacked up as it is and now ive gotta get another months rent in order and a deposit. the only way to see this through is to take all of austins money which im not so cool with. at least ill be down in denver right? wrong. ive gotta see the last job through with my dad which is gonna keep me working just north of longmont for an extra month or 2. so that means now ive got a commute with an extra hour tagged on. so thats more gas money. and rent is more. shit.
am so broke i cant even afford to do anything for my 3 month and that sucks for everyone. now again im caught in a place where whatever choices i make will fuck up someone else. im tired of that. im never my own complete person. so what now? what else can i do? im not happy. no one around me is, and im sure that its at least partially my fault that they arent. there is no right way to do this. do i want to get shot in the face or the back of the head? school sucks. cant get good grades even when i work my ass of to do so. cant get a good schedule to get my shit done in time so im gonna have to graduate after all my friends. fuck. everybody leave me alone so i can sit and think. not that that is gonna help, just make me feel worse.
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09:55pm 20/11/2004
mood: fucking thrilled!!!
Neil and I just won the best thing that has ever been on ebay. With a certificate of authenticity, we won......drum roll.......

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what i need   
04:09pm 11/11/2004
mood: cold
need to sleep.

need to eat.

need to move out of this place.

need to stop staring at the wall in the cold ass basement, lying in a pile of unfolded laundry waiting for my phone to ring, two day old rice krispy treat in one hand, razor blade and eternal sunshine in the other, contimplating the last year of my life.

need to go into a coma for 2 years and awake with the body and hair i want, job and house on the coast, maid making fresh rice krispy treats, razor blade in the trash and eternal sunshine on the bigscreen tv, thinking about the coming year.

need to stop torturing myself with pipe dreams that shit will get better without me doing anything to make it better.
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